Don't Call Me Callous || Comedy Open Mic

Who is more callous between this woman and I? I love to keep friends and to ensure to be a friend indeed. Trust me, friendship for me is more beneficial than even brotherhood if you play your cards very well. Some of the greatest things I ever did in life was through my friends. And some of the biggest mistakes I have ever done in my life likewise were through the kinds of friends I kept at a point in Time.

A married woman owes me about $500. It was for the services I rendered to her about six months ago. She needed someone to write a business proposal for her and a friend recommended me to her. The good thing was that we were neighbours and she enjoyed my benevolence and I didn't ask her too much.

A few weeks after I had written the proposal to build a local government secretariat office complex, she won the multi-million contract. But she became greedy and hard to see. All efforts to reach her became stiff and abortive. As a wise Igbo and Nigerian man, I thought of how I could get to her and came out with a strategy.
On the first day of the week when this happened, I called her phone severally but she could not respond. I put the call across to her over twenty times, she was adamant not to pick. Then I sent a message.

Good morning madam.
I called you to line several but you weren't taking your calls.
I saw a scene in one of the hotels in town where two beautiful ladies were fighting over your husband.
Those ladies must seriously love your husband to have made a public show of their desires.
One of the ladies overpowered the other and ran into your husband's car and they both zoomed off.

As soon as I dropped the above message, the madam started calling me. I felt that it was payback time. She called me over ten times but I didn't take her calls. This bait I snared had taken a toll on her. About an hour later, she sent a message.

Please, take your calls.
I want to send you the money I owe you.
Please, be kind enough to send me the details of the hotels as soon as you receive the alert of the payment.
I await your reply, now.

At this point, I laughed.

When a cunning man dies, he will be buried by a cunning man.

As a legend in the game, I waited for about ten minutes before sending my account details. Though I was dead broke, I didn't want to make it look like it was all about the money she was owing me.

After the ten minutes had elapsed, a call from her came again, this time, I picked it up and said:

A minute, ma.

She hung up and then, I sent the account details. It was the quickest funds transfer I ever received in my entire life.

She has been calling for the past two days now and there has been no response from my end.

In the first place, her husband was innocent of the accusation. I just needed to take my money from her by fire by force. Now, I can sleep with my two eyes closed knowing that hunger will not kill me.
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