All I Want For Christmas Is You

I would have never ever thought that one day I could really feel what this song says...

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you.

Everything around reminds me of the upcoming Christmas. Even here. Random Christmas tree in the coworking or in the clinic. Decoration stuff in the supermarket. Holiday ads everywhere. My colleagues taking days off for the next week. Even food in a grocery store. Threads that connect us with the past life. Sad warfare Christmas but we are humans until we are alive.

And then I return to my place which looks gloomy even with the bumbling decorations that I made. Fake it until you make it. No, not this time. I tricked myself by buying gifts for friends and picking up garlands online. I looked for a Christmas tree, live or artificial but then realized that it makes no sense if it's just for me. Because for me Christmas is about family more than all decoration in the world.

I know I have no right to ask. And everything says that most probably I will be alone on Christmas.

I've been pretending that everything is fine.

After all, I have my home and my family, not with me though but they are all safe and sound. I have no reason to complain. No matter where he is until he's alive, not wounded. Even though his voice on the phone is so sad and tired.

💔

My mom calls me every day asking if we come. Or if I come. I say that I'd rather stay here, besides there are no tickets. But honestly, I want to come and celebrate with my family as I used to so badly, but I just can't explain that celebrating with all the family without just one person, my husband, will break my heart. Everything will remind me ... as it was after my father passed away, and I don't want it without him.

I believe that no one deserves to be alone on Christmas. But the war makes an exception. Isn't it? After all, I can pretend there is no Christmas this year.

I came up with a list of things that I need to do during the holidays. I'll be very busy at Christmas so I'm not celebrating. And that's why my fridge is empty. Nothing that resembles a traditional Christmas meal but a lot of chocolate. I am fine just need more chocolate than usual. Much more.

I was busy getting my work done on a rainy Friday evening when I saw the message from my hubby:
"I am returning to Kyiv. On my way already".

The miracle I prayed for. I read it and... burst into tears. Otherwise, I am fine.

I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just wanna see my baby
standing right outside my door

I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is YOU!.....

❤️